Get all 9 Variex releases available on Bandcamp and save 40%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Struggle Sandwich, Always Something, Beneath Six Feet of Dust (Remixes & Rarities), Strange Waters, The Glass Swan Project: Anti-Love Songs for Lovers, Past Life Discourse, Off The Beaten Path, Quitting Tomorrow, and 1 more.
1. |
Introspect
02:15
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(rawbeartoe)
when something's tearing me apart from the inside
I've got this therapeutic art form that's self diatribe
I don't run and hide, I dive in head first with heart heavy
letting the remedy of writing hold me steady
so extremities are stretched as far as mental tentacles go
it's good to feel the mind exercised by your soul
plus the only cost is a penny for my own thoughts
and my piggy bank is full, let my vision take control
(variex)
sometimes I might forget why I even picked up a pen
way back when, but then I recall when I empty my head
into some self aware prose, tearing holes in my skull
haunted by something terrible that I can't bear to hold
onto any longer and metaphors are not cutting it
rummaging for a proper complement to my substance
but what's the point if we don't use our voices
I choose not to ignore it and reflect on what's important
(rawbeartoe)
and even if I could escape its evil clutches I would stay
beneath these verbal crutches I'm accustomed to, there's something
in the way that I've been juggling all the pieces has me reaching
for an answer to accompany all the secrets, all the sequences
have lined up so sweetly for me to take advantage of
the languages I'm speaking, brief encounters with this savage love
distracted by the puzzles and the webs I spin so cautiously
while listening to these words again, phonetically pissing into the wind
(variex)
drifting on a free flowing thought is now the only thing
that makes me feel like I have a chance at coming close to peace
crawling out of the opening in my chest plate
to meditate on every record I should set straight
but at the end of the day all that really matters
is if I can tolerate the way I've written out these patterns
and avoid moving backwards and taking another misstep
nothing gets swept under when I introspect
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2. |
Floating
03:53
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(rawbeartoe & variex)
serene when sleeping so easy, leaving me secretly jealous
well there's no option for dreams and the sequences are embellished
[selfish encounters with vultures, I'm left in debt with these vouchers
the counter culture imposters holding us hostage are cowards]
(rawbeartoe)
well, the first time tends to be less than what was hoped for
close the door on anticipation, watch the irrigated
tear ducts flowing like the flood that's on the daily
maybe lazy like the river after fluid is accumulated
I've laid around and waited for the sacred sound to make it
up the hill so I could take the pill while tumbling back down
to sleep while gently rocking me for sanity's sake
I'll stay awake, it's typical to contemplate the rituals
I've got this sandpaper mâché machete ready for the
exploration, patience isn't the only virtue in the jungle
I won't get lost if I don't focus on the fact that I was double-crossed
I'll spit and fight and hack my way through heavy thoughts
I'm floating through space, an emotion as weightless as hoping
only I stay awake fully holding my face while I'm coping
you showed me loneliness is solely just an ornament for self-importance
seldom there's a scorn for what's appropriate
but what’s appropriate
I'm folding under pressure, now I'm motionless
(variex)
although I hoped for it
I'm pushing back against the corners that are closing in
perhaps my vices got the best of me and I let myself
believe in destiny, or something along those lines
guess I went along for the ride and ultimately lost sight
in retrospect it's evident but back then didn't cross my mind
until I caught my reflection in those crocodile tears
and watched that smile disappear like all our childhood years
you can find me here, staring at the ceiling
fighting fears with nightmares, the struggle to keep my mind clear
as I'm lying there wondering how you reach peace
so easily, just waiting to be swept into that scenery
but now it seems that I may have forgotten how to dream
wandering in a constantly lucid conscious stream
lost sleep caught between living a lie
and the willingness to quit trying to kill my mind
intoxicated by recurring thought and frustration
envious of the fact you never seem to get stuck pacing
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3. |
Degeneration
03:48
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(variex)
the fear of never accomplishing a dream has become a possibility
seems like it's been twenty years that I've been lost at sea
but I've fought to keep my head above whitecaps when my body sinks
into the bottom feeding siren song that's calling me
I can't give a walking talking flying fuck about what's popular, when
everything on earth remains a product worth more than our words
stay blissfully ignorant and willingly oblivious
to the advertising brainwashing our children
so pray to whatever god you might believe in for the future
human extinction couldn't relieve us any sooner from
reptilian politicians and continuously repressed citizens
what wouldn't you do for a million, might as well keep killing them
in the land of the free, the american dream is not for you and I
they'll pursue your genocide and never try to see through your eyes
but still tell you you're blind, we are not puppets
with enough drops in the bucket to say fuck this and rise above it
(rawbeartoe)
everything is temporary has become my catchphrase
nothing is as permanent or fluid as a cascade
pressure building fully living moments in these last days
lessons from our past we never care to learn and can't change
(variex)
up out of the chaos we are living in the last days
who would you expect to finish first in the rat race
when you compromise your voice to keep up in the fast lane
might as well keep calm and watch our generation back pace
(rawbeartoe)
you know how life goes
each day's a stormy one and sometimes it's a cyclone
it shakes our trees and plenty of plots are dropped like pinecones
all of this wind and yet I still can't hit the high notes
I hate the breeze but I'll just float and keep my eyes closed
formally open, totally focused on loads of misfortunate mishaps
lately only to slip back, laziness is a syntax
I've been noticing motives have taken the liberty, raping and pillaging
making me feel that I haven't achieved anything worthy enough to believe in
I even it out, I'm odd for that reason alone in my doubt
I need to be wanted to breathe in the morning
I'll leave when it's obvious, I even it out
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4. |
Mutual
03:44
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(rawbeartoe)
walking in place everyday, contemplating the pace
that won't ever change and I don't have a reason to
stay where I've been to no end, there's never an answer
for questioning passion forever and after
the image is blurry through the various channels
I'm surfing on top of tsunamis for wavelengths I travel
though constantly searching for the next thing to battle
my head is a constant babbling creek and the least of the things I can handle
(variex)
another morning, another lesson to let fade
or get saved in my back pocket as I step away
from yesterday's misunderstood interpretations of my
self indulgent offerings, though honestly you never caught the breeze
and that's fine, these times are a bad game of chess
when the pieces are buried in sand to their heads
or tangled up wrapped in a black widow’s web
it’s generally safe to assume that we’ve accepted the end
(rawbeartoe)
the feeling is mutual
(variex)
only wearing these shoes cause I’m used to what’s suitable
(rawbeartoe)
the feeling is mutual
(variex)
to be lost in translation when normal’s unusual
still I won’t waste my time
no time for those overpriced lies
still I can’t change my mind
it’s decided, there’s no use in fighting it
(rawbeartoe)
lost in a dream, everything's not what it seems
when I try to leave rearrange the focus, strained thoughts, stranger notions
now I've been crossed twice doubly, mumble my subtleties someone will comfort me
lust lurking lavishly searching for cavities
unraveled sanity while slightly panicking
xanax and cannabis makes manic practical
passionate anecdotes sabotaged not unobtainable
seeking relief trapped like animals
(variex)
from the intangible walls of a panic room
built by the ghost of a past life attacking you
everybody knows what's best, take it all with a grain of salt when you bleed
pour it on the wound, why wouldn't you be in love with mediocrity
unraveled sanity spilling out casually
any place I might wander dragging around apathy
I have what I need to be happy, so don't ask me
to try to compromise myself and what keeps me balanced
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5. |
Erase
03:34
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(rawbeartoe)
I sit so calmly post ominous harmony, caution surrounding me, pardon my boundaries
out of these getting I am what's been eating me, leaving these skin and bones home for the evening
keeping it evenly odd as apologies defacing property, let out sighs audibly
got to be honest no option just policy, open door anyway locking it bothers me
this is my instrument tuned for the soothing, eluding to nothing, I'm touching all bases
encased in a network of passages mazes, entangled in massive interwoven paths
I breathe in and laugh from the lust of my lunacy, loosely encrypted depictions are soon to be
etched and exhumed from the tomb of experience, words are not worthless when memory mirrors it
(variex)
I have been working on trying to work out how I can actually find myself
only time will tell if these expectations are attainable or I'm playing the fool
as I'm digging a hole in the center of whatever's left from my soul to my head
swallowing the pride that I've taken for never allowing myself to be following trends
intelligence isn't pretentiousness, dumb it down then mark it up for the sell of it
if you're spoon feeding there's nothing to chew on no matter however you measure it
sacrificing a blue sky for the benefit of expressing more than recurring emptiness
drifting out on the pacific has never been better than this
(rawbeartoe)
we've always tip toed through the hallways in the corridors of time
every corner of our minds is intertwined within the visions
of a calculated life as if the balance will subside
to a place beyond the valley of the shallowest existence
wow, we're always trying to dig so deep
we try to keep it to ourselves because we're selfish
proud, we always end up digging too deep
we never listen to advice and now it’s helpless
(variex)
riding away on a black tidal wave
or a dark highway where the silence won't break
to find me a place maybe I can escape
my whole life on a page is mine to erase
(rawbeartoe)
revision to flip script, simpletons misprint syllables, fiddle with little encryptions
this is not anything, energy surging to emptiness, letting it out in the open
and soak in the rays in an actual haze, blaze obvious, possible laziest optimist
commonly placed and I'm faced with a lack of conviction, you're missing the point of my vision
I make these mistakes and it takes me a second to recognize pain in the daily reflections
a messy messenger, many lessons learned, plenty of open ended questions vetted
they'll want you to stay if you worry the one with the willingness wanders away with the syllabus
killin em slowly but surely in slumber, it's true the phoniest number is two
(variex)
no longer staring at my own reflection like I need the answer to every question
I'm stepping in, might as well call it progression or better yet it's just a lack of regressing
whatever it is that I'm settling in I can witness it all from this plateau
when that feeling of insanity grows I try to put forth my best apathy pose
and crash on the shore of what keeps me awake at night, I can stay quiet but can't tame the lions
breaking the iron bar cages that they are enslaved in, eating the sheep I've been counting
cowering from the empowerment of six thousand perpetual jagged edges
to my head that I'm draining through my nervous system and out of a pen
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6. |
Reminder
03:00
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(variex)
always was a hard worker but time to time wonder why I
would even bother to try to fight the struggle
now I can find trouble or write and stay humble
to the sound of one clapping hand in the fruitless hustle
effort is wasted on words and paychecks
forget owning a home when I can hardly make the rent
maybe I should save my breath instead of rolling another
pushing buttons and nodding my head along like a sucker
(rawbeartoe)
buried so deep beneath the surface, scratching itches leave me barnacles
I hope the scars are worth it, for this less than perfect carnival
a carbon copied version of perception so redundant
throwing rocks and using sticks to poke the sorest of the subjects
plus I know it doesn't matter if my point of view is skewed
and every relative encounter won't amount to something new
I hope to find some common ground and choose a spot to draw the line
or we can sit and watch it burn together knowing that we tried
(rawbeartoe & variex)
and so these notes we've left behind us
provoke emotions to remind us
it's merely thin skin we're shedding, weathered and leathery
letting go of what's been tethering us down forever
(variex)
go on and try to wake em up because you know what they're bored with
but nobody's snoring, you're just not that important
nothing more than a parody of all your heroes
you've emulated, regurgitation is worth zero
what have you been doing that hasn't already been done
you should keep it to yourself, your songs are no fun
you must be on drugs, you've been speaking in tongues
everybody's got problems, why haven't you grown up
(rawbeartoe)
why try and hide behind these barriers and various other distractions
subtlety precious with my effigies' anatomy
I'm next to nothing special and it's just what I expected
mumbling extra messy messages with exits for my strategies
I act as if the consequential casualties I've caused
were used to benefit my future interactions with embarrassment
the truth is in the loosely structured idiomatic webs I spin
for pleasure and pain relief it's all just the same to me
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7. |
Excuses
03:12
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(variex)
life is a beach, I can kick it
you gotta learn to float before you can start swimming
now I'm familiar with living on the edge of comfortability
and it seems California's finding joy in killing me
one day will it really make sense
or is that something we've been telling ourselves to make amends
with the realization our dreams don't like being chased and
your impact is less than a smudge on a finger painting
so I'm rearranging my thought process
in attempt to reconnect, it may be a work in progress
but I stay honest, even if it means
that until I learn to seize the day I'll keep holding it hostage
no nonsense is the approach obviously
follow me if you're into polishing your flaws clean
walking along the sky's limits
where this bird's eye view is worth more than blind optimism
(rawbeartoe)
just don't drag me down with excuses anymore
I don't care what happens next
life is a garden, I can dig it
you gotta wear gloves in this world so frigid
working my digits in the dirt until the skeletal frame is exposed
I grow it all back in new layers, the truth is labor
painstaking at best but I just savor it
the only things I'm bringing to my table are my favorites
I'm a live it like I love it cause I do well sometimes
even if I don't leave the house when I'm gun shy
socially I mean I lean on stress
anti-degenerates seeking the sentiments only when stress is imminent
I guess that misery hates company but needs it
seeds of reason planted deep so roots will benefit
(variex)
it's all irrelevant, quit back pedaling
the skeletons are pounding on your door, don't let em in
swallow your medicine and those delicious sedatives
squeezing this train of thought through the tunnel my head is in
and the light at the end is overwhelming again
infuriating, but how could I not be curious
burning this candle at every angle till it turns on us
as usual but I will emerge from the dust with...
(rawbeartoe)
a tourniquet wrapped around the burdens of my earnestness
curbing it to be enthused and used as social lubricants
it's an amusement loosely soothing wounds for part time inhabitants
stabbing a westward full of the lonely and frozen contaminants
it's never enough to punch a hole through, just merely scratch the surface
alternate versions of an angle maimed and mangled from perversion
it’s nothing personal, it's just a circle of inclusion that I use as mental curtains
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8. |
Typical
04:15
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(rawbeartoe)
I used to be opposed to the game, so close the to the vein
but now I can't explain the reasons why it's not an option
I stay up late and I'm still not working
on a way to make it so much better than what it was today
mark my words and knock on wood
it's hard to find a new level to reach for with cloudy vision
take a step back and act as if it really matters
I want a lobotomy cause part of me is too complacent
it's all the same thing, sealed wounds, another rotting
gangrene scab forming over torn flesh
from the embodiment of disillusioned arrogance
experimenting with my head and I'm aware of it
sidestepping episodes, widespread acceptance
of a testimony from a lonely lesser known jabroni
put your lips to my ear to softly reinstate the fears
and watch the tears roll slowly down my cheekbones
(variex)
nobody knows the beautiful things only you have seen
(rawbeartoe)
it's not unlike me to notice but thanks for noticing
(variex)
every day holds a moment for opportunity
(rawbeartoe)
but by the time I'm aware of it miss my opening
(variex)
the way I hold myself up in public
is like I've got a bad habit that I can't shake
distracted in the face, always following the sunset
even if for nothing other than to stand straight
these damn legs on a crooked path for a decade
still converting dead weight into a useful head space
and it goes without saying it's a challenge
to sway the balance in the direction of wasted talents
but success to me is a finished project
not what's in my wallet, that's a foreign concept
isn't it, regardless of who's listening this significant part of
my existence is getting me higher than your opinions
living it since my beginning of over analytics
hell, I'm currently well versed in the art of cynicism
at the tail end of an observation all too aware
but not for nothing, why exactly should I care
(rawbeartoe)
so concise, it's like these slices of life
are so predictable counterfeit originals
more than twice I've felt lightning strike
yet still don't change my rituals, some would call it pitiful
as if the pinnacle of self awareness isn't enough
to be a burden on its own, it’s all so typical
(variex)
the typical daydream threaded through my aging perception
it takes some effort to embrace imperfection
I've chased my nemesis away from the depths of this
apathetic generation catalyst for pessimism
so is it any wonder why we lose our vision
become a contradiction and start playing the victim
of a dysfunctional system, like it’s a given
that this rhythm we’ve been living has built around us a prison, nope
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9. |
Inside (feat. Stoomie)
04:22
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(variex)
skating over spilled milk is becoming natural
composure is collateral when balancing on stilts
take the bitter pill, I know the feeling is impractical
to climb out of a massive hole without trying to build
I'm still caught up in the thrill of passing go
over cracks in the road to the other side of the hill
state of mind evolving from a wide eyed antelope
into a wild animal, braced for the kill
for every dead end that had us scratching our heads
and turning to the sky for answers, the only way is up
still chasing the sun before these days fade to dust
until we save the world we better learn how to save us
well it is what it is and this perspective here is new to me
moving past what I'm usually dwelling on under scrutiny
to close in on the moment and step to the edge
of a comfort zone that consistently left us for dead
(stoomie)
I’m feeding off of the way you
seem to live more for today, you
all from inside, all from inside
I’m not yours to fix but you offer to try
and you know I got something to prove to
the person you’re no longer used to
all from inside, all from inside
(rawbeartoe)
for every sleeve that's left stained red from wearing out my welcome
and my ventricles I'm sorry, there's an open shoulder waiting for you
so many nights I've spent with premature regrets
while resting on my laurels quarreling with the less than permanent anxiousness
It makes no sense how every penny and waking moment
is spent hell bent on traveling inches in the long haul
I can't just focus on the guilt trip, too short of a distance
each path will end in the same place, but at least it's still consistent
one step forward and three steps back
I got a knack for revealing my weakness, it seems that this
progress trap is a one way track
I cannot lapse into negative defective sequences
no more chances as time slips past
the only catch is a definite rebound to seek tension
life straight packed full of lies stay strapped
why do I have to be constantly rebuilding defenses
(variex)
it's been a long time coming, I'm tired of running
in circles inside a cell, it's all so mind numbing
but I've got my health and I can breathe so it's all right
even if I don't sleep through the night and can't remember dreams well
I've made some choices that I wish I would have avoided
but these days I would rather build a foundation than destroy it
we're fortunate to have a roof that when it rains
we can choose to go outside or remain, and that's the point
(rawbeartoe)
I've tried so hard to make it work, but there's a part of me
that wants the worst, arteries have spilt upon my shirt
you left me bleeding from reasoning with my demons
serenity's the blade we're leaning on, it's mutual, the pain is somewhat beautiful
I flew the coop to be a builder of my own nest prematurely
surely not recommending the lack of sleep
to say the least I've finally reached a point where I can be the person
that my kids need and put that part of my mind at ease
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10. |
Outreach
03:41
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(rawbeartoe)
it's not a selfish act if you can get to where I'm at
inside my head and really feel these lessons on rebuilding
a healing factor when I'm captured in my refractory period
I have to be serious when I rap about it
I've got some friends that are so blind it makes me envious
I try too hard, it must be nice to be oblivious
if ignorance is just a blissful state of harmony
I'll honestly consider signing up for the lobotomy
(variex)
there's gotta be a better way to fall in line
(rawbeartoe)
I'm clawing at the walls to get a grip so I can climb
(variex)
if I ever lost my mind I don't know if I'd want to find it
(rawbeartoe)
trying to describe this light so bright inside I'm blinded
(variex)
dancing on the thread in between art and entertainment
(rawbeartoe)
wasted are my efforts in attempts to sound so sacred
(variex)
swaying in the breeze I've just been doing what comes naturally
(rawbeartoe)
it's actually passion that keeps me active in this pageantry
(variex)
it goes beyond the need to express or the need to be accepted
or the need to use music to try to get over regrets, let it go
it's more than an image, more than a personal confession
after the sun sets, what's left is this connection
and when it becomes infectious is when it all makes sense again
never cared for attention, only to share a message
and the lessons on the way, relating kept me invested
our language is an effective ammunition if you arm your weapons
(rawbeartoe)
slowly I'm dissected and left for interpretation
(variex)
the cover might be worn but don’t forget to turn the pages
(rawbeartoe)
sifting through the wreckage of my essence in this petri dish
(variex)
convincing myself it isn’t all meaningless
(rawbeartoe)
though I'm flawed in some formulas there's a method to my madness
(variex)
bleeding out a little color on this canvas
(rawbeartoe)
use these intimate minutes I spit to clarify polarity
(variex)
my songs will be my epitaph, quote me then bury me
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Variex Oakland, California
Variex is a Bay Area, CA based music producer, rapper, and engineer. He is a co-founder of the New Cocoon collective and has worked with artists like Ceschi, Factor, 2Mex, and Alias. He has also shared the stage with Cage and Sadistik, released an album on Milled Pavement Records, and founded his own label, Red Tempo Records. Variex's newest album, Struggle Sandwich, is out now. ... more
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